Boxer Shorts, October, 2004 - 1 of 4
Angry and Confused
by Kit Wise
This past weekend, the last one in September,
was possibly the most glorious riding weekend
of the whole season. I spent almost the entire
time up a ladder painting windows. I managed
to get in a brief 30-mile ride on the R69S
late on Saturday afternoon, but the rest
of the daylight hours I was on that ladder
being very angry.
Of course you are guessing that I was angry about not being able to ride. Well, I was sorry I couldn't ride, but I actually enjoy working on my house, so that wasn't it. And I have, as you know, managed to get in quite a bit of riding this year.
No, I was angry at the GODDAMNED MOTORCYCLES! (I'm really pissed, so I'm not going to restrain my language.)
I live in a country village that happens to be on a busy road that leads to lots of good riding. So plenty of motorcycles go by, especially on days as nice as last Saturday and Sunday. And a good nine out of ten of those bikes had little or no silencing on their exhaust systems. The noise was unbelievable. Being in one place, at the front of the house, twenty feet from the street, made me acutely aware of just how noisy unmuffled motorcycles can be. What really amazed me was that such a huge proportion of the bikes that went by were so loud. Where were the BMWs?
I just don't understand this obsession with noise. I ride with earplugs because of wind noise. I can't comprehend what it must be like to ride at full throttle on an un-silenced bike. How can they stand it? Do they tolerate the deafening roar in the sure belief that "Loud Pipes Save Lives"? Are they so juvenile that they think loud noises are cool, like firecrackers? Are they so sexually dysfunctional that they need to compensate for their inadequacies?
Actually, I think I know the answer to my questions. "Loud pipes" is a group ethos. A few months ago in this column I discussed how we learn our motorcycling habits from the people we associate with. Yankee Beemers tend to wear full-face helmets and boots, and they replace their tires before they get worn to the cords. These are group customs that we share with one another. The loud pipes thing works the same way. If everyone you ride with has loud pipes, well, you better have some, too, or you'll be rejected by the group.
I am not angry just as a denizen of a country
village whose peace is disturbed by the noise.
I am even more angry as a motorcyclist whose
passionately embraced pastime is held in
general contempt by a public who knows little
about motorcycles except that they are incredibly,
annoyingly loud.
Motorcycles are starting to be prohibited from some public areas solely because of the noise problem. And it's not just loud bikes that are prohibited, it's all bikes. I'm sure that noise was the principal issue in the recent debacle in Windham County, Vermont.
The culture of loud pipes has become very dominant in American motorcyling. I wish I knew how responsible riders could break down this culture of noise. But to attack the noise makers could be as pointless as attacking another person's religion, simply because it is different from your own. And they will defend their belief. "Loud Pipes Save Lives" is virtually engraved on stone tablets handed down from Harley-Davidson. It is almost impossible to argue with anyone who holds to a belief. Facts have no influence. It is written, and everyone agrees - it must be so.
Now I have to admit that I have after-market mufflers on my R1100S, and I put them on because they sound better to me than the stock pipes. Yes, the Staintunes are somewhat louder, and maybe that makes me just as much of an anti-social idiot as the guys with the straight pipes. Some of my best riding friends have aftermarket pipes that are quite a lot louder than stock.
We could be on the slippery slope to joining the cult. I hope not. I don't think I will even bother to spend the extra $1,000 on my next new BMW. You better not mess with your mufflers, either, or I'll be really, really angry with you, too.
Kit Wise
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